Jewish law defines betrothal as a legal contract of intention to marry that requires one of several specific deeds to activate the obligations associated with that commitment. The Mishna states, “A woman is betrothed in three ways: When she receives a sum of money [or a gift of equivalent monetary value…]”[28] Nowadays this is fulfilled by the exchange of a ring,[29] an ornament that encircles her finger. Similarly Israel is called “woman” in relation to HaShem, and she was betrothed by the encircling light that descended at Sinai and served as her engagement ring.
According to kaballa, the role relations that characterize marital union are evolving through time. The model that describes our present stage of development is slowly shifting and after passing through several intermediate milestones will eventually invert. Rabbi Isaac Luria identifies seven developmental stages in the evolving relationship of men and women from Eden to the end of time.[30] Until the final stage, woman receives her cosmic flow of light, bounty, and consciousness via the intermediary of her spouse. Her relationship to the transcendent aspects of G‑d is mediated by her husband and all of her Divinely bestowed gifts must first pass through him. His work is to identify which of his spiritual bounties truly belong to him and which are her rightful inheritance that he must release into her possession.
The masculine in turn receives his flow of light and consciousness from the partzuf directly above him, called mother. His “brains”[31] derive from there and remain rooted within her. She thus serves as his crown, for her lights sit above his head and encircle it with transcendent brilliance. Always, the integrated awareness of a higher partzuf is superconscious and ungraspable by the one below it. This further explains the verse from Song of Songs which describes betrothal with the words, “…the crown wherewith his mother crowned him on the day of his espousals.” The mother in this verse is Binah and the crown is her integrated lights that exceed the capacity of his brains, and so surround his head like a crown.
This relationship system, where the flow of influence passes from the Infinite Light to mother to man to woman , is kabalisticly expressed by a particular form of the union between two names of G‑d, י/ה/ו/ה (the unpronouncable name of G‑d) and א/ל/ה /י/ם (pronounced Elo-him).[32]
Kaballa identifies four planes of reality which it calls the four worlds because each contains an entire set of ten sefirot and six partzufim within it. From above to below they are:[33]
atzilut אצילות spiritual plane of pure Divinity
briyah בריאהmental plane
yetzirah יצירהemotional (also psychic and astral) plane
asiya עשיה physical plane
Atzilut, the highest and spiritual world is the plane of cosmic archetypes, and the first appearance of partzufim. The “heavenly groom” discussed in this essay indicates the level of man in the world of Atzilut. He embodies the force of divine bestowal and heavenly influence upon the lower realms.
The Hebrew term for groom חתן (chatan) relates to the phrase נחות דרגה, to drop rank, suggesting movement from above to below, fall and descent. This semantic derivation emphasizes his role as holy envoy, pulling transcendent lights from above and transferring them to his spouse below. The Hebrew term for bride, כלה (khala), relates to the root כלל, to include, and highlights her trait of receptivity.[34]
The flow of consciousness in the world of Atzilut thus passes from mother to man to woman. Mother (Binah) pulls wisdom down and passes it to her son. The lights man receives from mother empower him to extend bounty to his own wife, the sefira of malchut, and partzuf of woman.
Thus when the verse describes, “the crown which his mother crowned him on the day of his espousals…” it refers to the enlightened insights that mother brings down from the higher realms and transfers to her son. These lights, however, exceed his mental capacity at that time and so, unable to fit “inside” they hover around his head as surrounding lights, appearing as a “crown.” This was his mother’s engagement gift, to assure that he would have the necessary resources to function as a true husband and holy envoy to his bride. All this still applies today.
